The First Week of Fred (1/2)

Last week was eventful. It didn’t end with seeing Fred for the first time. I had two more Fred encounters, and so this week, I’m going to talk about them. Oh, but first, you might want to check out my tumblr post on what Fred said about me to Hannah and Lucy after our first meeting.

            Now, the next thing that happened was the next day, in the morning, when I was working (so, for chronology’s sake, this was before Hannah told me what he’d said about me). If you’ve been keeping up with the blog, then you know that three days out of the week I’ve been working at home to help out Mary. Around eleven in the morning on Wednesday, there was a knock on the door, which was unusual. When I answered it, Fred stood there in front of me. It took me a minute to process the fact that he was there, and looking very intense. It went down like this:

Me: Hannah and Lucy aren’t here.

Fred: I know. I just think we need to talk.

Me: Okay, do you want to come in?

He came in and after I shut the door, we just stood there in awkward silence for a little bit.

Me: Do you want coffee or anything?

Fred: No, this will be brief.

Me: Okay, what is it?

Now, part of me expected him to yell at me for what I did, to demand closure or something. And maybe part of me hoped he’d kiss me. But he surprised me.

Fred: Who knows about…you know…us? From before?

Me: You mean that you’re my college’s acquaintance’s brother?

Fred: No, you know what I mean.

Me: No one, at least no one here. My dad, older sister, and godmother aren’t in town. Marie only knew your name and she doesn’t remember that about me, anyway. And I haven’t told anyone else about before.

Fred: I haven’t either. I mean, my brother knows, but I never told Adam and Carrie.

He never looked me in the eyes, and I didn’t know what he wanted or why he came to talk to me, so we had another moment of uneasy silence.

Fred: Do you plan on telling anyone?

Me: No.

(I didn’t mention any of you, so shhh).

Fred: Good. I think we should keep it that way. It’s not important anymore and will just make things awkward for everyone else.

Me: Okay. Is there anything else?

Fred: No. That’s all I need you for. Bye, Anne.

Then he left.

I wish you could have seen this. I mean, yeah, I’m glad we talked about how we’re going to deal with being in the same social circle, but that was worse than the first time I saw him. I think he was worried I’d try to drive a wedge between him and Hannah or Lucy (I’m not sure who he’s into yet) and came by just to make sure I wouldn’t ruin his chances. I’d never do that. I want Hannah and Lucy to be happy, I want Fred to be happy. If one of them finds that they’re meant to be with my ex-fiancé, then so be it, no matter what it might do to me. I’m not here to stand in the way.

But how he was standing, how he talked to me, he’s still angry with me. He always had this habit of standing stiff when he got upset, and he never relaxed while talking to me.

But I think it hurt the most that he called me Anne. My internet personality is Annie, but everyone in my life calls me Anne. There have only been two people who called me Annie: my mom and Fred. I suppose when I was creating my blog, I wanted to feel like I could say what I would have to those I was close to, who called me Annie. So hearing Fred call me Anne, it hit me that he can’t see Annie, the girl he loved, anymore. I’m just Anne, the boring, pathetic roommate of his new friends.