Sister Talk

Word has gotten around that Fred and I are dating now. It’s been really interesting seeing everyone’s reactions. When we told Hannah and Lucy, they were open-mouthed at our whole story. They hadn’t suspected a thing, and when it was just us girls, they apologized for any and all flirtations with Fred. I told them not to worry about it, of course, since they didn’t know and had never meant to hurt me. Calling Ruth over the phone to tell her had a lot of silence from her, but she ended up accepting it, although the dissatisfaction was clear in her tone. For Carrie and Adam, our news was like a light bulb. They’d noticed a difference in Fred since they had come back from Asia, but had always attributed it to the war more than anything. They were the happiest out of everyone we told.

            But the most revealing of these conversations was when I told Marie. Fred had to meet up with Ben about business stuff, so I went over to tell her by myself. At first she didn’t want to let me in, claiming it would disturb the baby. I’d gotten used to this sort of thing from Marie, pushing me out and away at random times and then begging me in other instances to come and help her.

            I said I’d just come over to tell her I’d begun dating Fred, and with that, the door opened wider and she invited me in. I gave her the basic story while Charlie was putting everything together to go to work, who then also got the news. Then Charlie left for work, and it was just me, Marie, and the two kids.

            Marie’s attitude completely changed. For once, she was so happy for me, talking about how wonderful it was that Fred and I had been reunited after so many years. It took me by surprise, because usually, whenever I tried to talk about myself, Marie would make it about her, trying to one-up any pain or pleasure.

            So I asked her why she’d changed her mind before. Why had she turned me away before, only to let me in? Marie didn’t answer at first, trying to change the subject to different preschool options for Little Charlie. But I didn’t let up. I brought up the fact that for months she’d been shutting me out and then yanking me in again.

            It took a long time to wear her down. She didn’t want to talk about it, but I wanted to know. Was it hormones from the pregnancy? Had I done something to make her angry at me? What was the real reason behind the way she treated me?

            Marie became furious and said “You wouldn’t understand. Not someone who gets everything like you do.”

            This was completely shocking to me, because until a few days before, I never felt like I “got everything.” After a bit more prodding, Marie opened up to me about what she meant.

            I guess she’s been jealous of me since childhood. Eliza was Dad’s favorite, and I had been Ruth’s. Mom was fair in her attention, but after her death, Marie felt ignored by everyone, always getting the short end of the stick. Then years later when she came back from quitting her job, she fell for Charlie—only to find out I’d dated and dumped him. She admitted she’s always felt like Charlie’s second choice and wondered if he would ever leave her for me, if I made any moves. After all, everyone had always preferred me to her, and he hadn’t even been the one to end the relationship we had. With the pregnancy, she was worried that being in such an unattractive state would drive Charlie to me, so whenever he was around, she’d always try to keep us apart. That paranoia hadn’t left her since the baby was born, until I showed up and said I was dating Fred.

            Part of it is so ridiculous to me. That Charlie or I would do something so terrible, and to Marie no less! But the other part, about Marie feeling ignored and always the second choice, that made sense. And I felt terrible for never realizing it before, for always thinking about how terrible our family was to me. We’d both been hurt by our dad and Eliza, by the too-soon loss of our mother.

            We talked for a long time, then, about it all. I assured her the thought of taking Charlie from her never crossed my mind, and I’m sure it had never occurred to him. We talked about our family and how it had always been bad at communication and thinking of each other rather than ourselves. I told her that if she wanted to put these worries to rest, she had to open up to Charlie about them, so they would save themselves from the communication problems our family had always had.

            For the first time in twenty-eight years, I finally felt like I understood my little sister. Since our talk she’s been just as demanding of me and complaining about everything that causes her a bit of discomfort. But, at the same time, she’s started asking me how I’ve been and listening to me when I’ve told her.

            I suppose all things come slowly.