It didn't work

I didn’t contact Fred on Monday, as I hadn’t had any luck last week. So I called Harvey instead, to see if I could meet up with them. That day was packed for them with meetings and business lunches and dinners, but he said that they should be done with drinks and back to their hotel around ten-thirty. Since I was leaving Tuesday in the early morning, I knew this was my only chance to see Fred.

            So I went to their hotel Monday night. They had a nice suite, one with a separate living and bedroom area. I’d planned on asking Fred to go for a walk and then talking things out, but when I got there, Fred was on the computer, emailing with a Chinese business associate. Apparently Skype wasn’t picking up audio, so they were using email instead in order to make some arrangements. Harvey explained that they always left Fred to talk with foreigners, because he understood them better than Harvey or Ben did. 

I couldn’t ask Fred to stop, and so I decided to wait. I chatted with Harvey and Ben while Fred stayed on the computer. Then, Ben got a call from Lucy and he went into the bedroom to take it. 

            My conversation with Harvey, then, was interesting. And I’d like to hear your opinion on it, if you have any. To the best of my recollection, this is how it went:

Harvey: It’s amazing how much Ben has turned around since meeting Lucy.

Me: Lucy seems happy as well.

Harvey: I’m a little surprised how quickly he was able to get over Jenny—his late fiancée.

Me: Hasn’t it been over a year?

Harvey: Yes, but from what I knew of Jenny, she wouldn’t have been able to move on so quickly. Sometimes I wonder if Ben’s forgotten her. She wouldn’t have forgotten him so soon.

Me: No, no woman who truly loved someone would forget.

Harvey: No man, either.

I laughed at that, and Harvey was curious as to why.

Me: Just that…I can’t see that being so.

Harvey: Are you saying that women love longer than men?

Me: Yes, I am.

Harvey: Come on, you can’t be serious. Women are flirted with and hit on all the time, but, generally speaking, men are the ones initiating a relationship. If a man doesn’t want to move on, he doesn’t. Women love romance and being flattered, so even if they are heartbroken, they move on if a smooth, attractive man comes onto them.

Me: Does your wife know that this is how you think? Because it’s terribly inaccurate. Perhaps we’re the ones being hit on most often, but that doesn’t mean any guy who hits on us will get us to fall in love with him.

Harvey: Oh, yes, of course. But given time, she’ll move on. Sooner or later someone she does like and find attractive will come along, and given women’s love for love, she’ll go along with it.

Me: And you don’t find men desire companionship as well? They want it just as much as women, but they won’t admit it as much as women do. But they’ll go out looking for someone else, and much sooner than a woman would.

Harvey: If you knew how much I missed my wife right now, you would see my point. These long business trips exhaust me, but never more than when I can’t be with her. We have phones, we have Skype, and yet, it’s never enough. It’s not the same as being able to touch her and actually see her with my own eyes instead of a blurry webcam. And it gets worse when I realize I can’t be there to comfort her or protect her if anything happens. It makes me so anxious, until I can get back to her.

Me: Oh, I didn’t mean to say that men have no loyalty at all to who they love! Of course they do! I only meant to say that it is women who love longest when all hope is lost.

Harvey: I can understand that, but I wouldn’t doubt men so much.

            It was getting late. Fred was still emailing, and the conversation I’d just had made me feel low about things. Of course Fred was over me. It’d been eight years, and he would have done something by now if he did still have those feelings. So I made my leave.

            Now I’m back home, staying at Ruth’s place while I try to figure things out as far as a job/living arrangement. I’m disappointed, yes, but it’s what I’ve always thought would happen. Sure, my heart hoped differently, but my head always knew it was only a silly fantasy.