Decisions, Decisions

 Things are going incredibly smooth with renting out our house. Everything has been signed and agreed to regarding furnishings and pricing and the lease. Two VPs of my dad’s business associate are going to be staying here while getting a new branch fully functioning over the next year. The VPs are married to each other, actually, and Dad made certain they had no children before agreeing to taking them as tenants. Too many sticky fingers around his mirrors make him nervous—he always assigns me to watch my two-year-old nephew whenever Marie brings him over.

            So things have been sorted for the most part. The only question is whether or not I’ll be going with Dad and Eliza up north, or if I’ll stay here. The lease on my apartment is coming to an end, so I could go north into the city, and if I do, I can keep an eye on Dad and even help him expand the business (yes, I’m the lawyer, but sometimes it’s like I have the MBA in the family). Eliza keeps on talking about all of the benefits of living in the city—the society, the contacts, the museums and cultural experiences. Maybe leaving home would help me get out of the rut I've been in and I could find something I've been missing. The only time I really ever left the area was for my law degree and I’ve been home five years now. 

            But that’s also the other thing. If I move north, I’ll be in the same house I lived in as a law student, which were some of the most painful years of my life. Some personal things had happened just before I left for school, I was living in a new area, I didn’t know anybody, and school kept me so swamped I didn’t make very many friends. And although my mom had been dead for a few years, I lived in the same area where she met my dad, and having that association with my mom would overwhelm me at times so I felt the loss of her all over again. Part of me worries going back up north will only lead to having those same feelings again.

            Both of these choices have benefits, but neither feels quite right, either. Maybe it’s because people are what make a home, and no matter where I go, I feel so alone.