Farewell Party

For the past week Hannah’s been pretty set on throwing me a farewell party. I really didn’t want that, though, since it isn’t like I have any close friends who would actually come. But on Friday, Hannah said she had the evening set and we would be going out one last time before I have to leave. But rather than just going along with it like I did last fall, I did put my foot down on one thing: no clubbing or bars. Hannah just smiled and said she didn’t even have that in mind.

            Other than “no clubbing” I didn’t know what the evening would consist of, and so Hannah helped me in what to wear. I have to say, getting into one of my dresses for the first time made me excited about the night, more than I had been leading up to it. Hayden came by our apartment first, which made complete sense, since Hannah was in charge of the whole night. I thought maybe Charlie and Marie would join us, but the only other person who came was Fred.

            Again, it makes sense why Hannah would invite him along. She and Lucy have been good friends with him, and we all went to Aspen with him. Besides, she doesn’t know about Fred and I, so I can’t blame her. Still, I wasn’t exactly happy about Fred coming along. Our party was so small I couldn’t avoid him. With Hannah and Hayden as our only company, it also felt a little double date-ish, even though it clearly wasn’t one.

            First we went to a restaurant. We got a booth, and of course I ended up next to Fred, since Hannah and Hayden wanted to sit by each other. It was actually okay, for the most part. I tried to keep my conversation with Fred short and have all four of us talking together. But then when we were almost done eating, Hayden saw an old high school friend in the restaurant, so he and Hannah went over to talk to him.

             Soon after, I excused myself to the bathroom then, to avoid being alone with Fred, but even despite freshening up my make-up and washing my hands twice, Hayden and Hannah were still talking to this old friend. I really had no choice but to sit down again. After one silent pause, Fred spoke up and asked me why I’d decided to move up north.

            I could have told him then. I could have admitted I wasn’t over him and being anywhere near him or others close to him was keeping me back, and I want, no, I need to let go of him if I’ll ever be happy. But I didn’t. I used to be able to tell him everything, but that was back when he was mine. And now that he’s not, now that he doesn’t accept me or want me, I couldn’t tell him the truth. There’s no point in rubbing in my rejection further.

            So I gave him most of the reasons I told everyone else. Lucy needs the space. I want a change of scenery, to make more friends. I didn’t bother trying to pull the “my sister and dad miss me,” though. I’m sure that wouldn’t fool him. 

            He opened his mouth to say something else, but Hayden and Hannah came back and he let it drop, so I guess it wasn’t that important. We finished up, and then Hannah revealed the big surprise of the night: tickets to see Fiddler on the Roof. 

            That part of the evening was wonderful. Little need to talk to people, darkness, just getting away in the story and music. Despite the brief discomfort, it was a really nice farewell party. It touched me that not only did Hannah plan it, but she did it to what she knew I would like, rather than what she thinks I should like. It’s so wonderful to have a friend who just loves you for what you are and doesn’t make you into someone you don’t want to be.

            I’m going to miss parts of this place, and Hannah is definitely one of them. But I also really can’t wait until all of this awkwardness is past me, which will be soon. I’m driving up tomorrow, and so I won’t have time for an update on Wednesday, but I’ll be back next Monday to let you know how the new city is treating me.