I'm not Anna

When Marie and Charlie were still in Aspen and I was looking after my nephew, I took him to see Frozen. And coming out of the movie theater, I was filled with this intense sadness. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful movie, but I knew that I would never have a relationship with one of my sisters like Anna did with Elsa. I’m a bit closer to Marie, but I’ve always had this feeling that if her life was complete with maids and cooks and nannies and other friends, she wouldn’t even want me around. And Eliza, well. Any little hope I might have had in discovering Eliza to be an Elsa have been dashed away.

            The other night when I was walking down the hall to my room, I heard my name coming from Eliza’s room. I had to stop and listen (okay, eavesdrop)—not something I usually do, but hearing my name made me curious.

            Eliza was talking to the secretary, and this is what I heard:

Secretary: Your dad only bought three tickets, though.

Eliza: Yes, for the three of us. Not for Anne.

Secretary: But he said himself that the Dalrymples like family businesses, and are very old-fashioned.

Eliza: And? I’m his daughter, he’ll still look like a family man.

Secretary: Some people think it’s inappropriate for me to be living with you. And I’m sure Mrs. Dalrymple would look down on me for it, if she knew.

Eliza: What do you care what an old woman thinks of you? I like you, I like you much more than Anne. I’d prefer you accompany Dad and me.

Secretary: But she’s your sister. She’s, well, one of you.

Eliza: Perhaps we share similar DNA, but she means nothing to me. Not like you do. You’re my friend.

            I left after that. I couldn’t stand listening to another word of it. Of course, it’s not as if I haven’t figured as much on my own, but hearing Eliza say it in such an unaffected way is a lot more painful. Because, perhaps, like Anna, I’d been mistaken, and my older sister did have an underlying love for me. Now I know I’m not Anna at all, and Eliza isn’t Elsa. 

Despite everything that’s happened, all of the pain and anger my family has caused me, I’d felt loyalty to them. But ever since Mom died, it’s been getting harder and harder for me to hold onto that, because I see less and less good in them. And now, after coming here, it’s as if the loyalty I’m holding onto is my family name more than the people. I still care for Marie, but my god, how weak and pathetic is our relationship anyway?

            Sometimes I think of Hannah and Lucy and how strong their bond is, as well as the connection with Charlie and their parents, or other acquaintances of ours that have so much love for their family, and I just have to wonder why our family hasn’t gotten those same sorts of relationships. Dad and Eliza stick together because of affection, but the rest of us? Not at all.