Having hope again

Over this weekend I had a wonderful surprise. Adam and Carrie called me up and wanted to go to lunch on Sunday since they’d be in town. They invited Dad and Eliza as well, but both of them already had planned on eating with this big important business contact they’re trying to woo into opening up an account with us. So it was just the three of us, and I really preferred it that way.

            They had come up to the city for a business meeting and for their anniversary, which happened to fall on this meeting, and they made the most of it while here. They crushed their competition together and secured their business with another account, and were able to see the city lights and have time just with each other. They said it was their most romantic anniversary yet. 

            And of course they wanted to know how I was doing and what I’ve been up to here. I lied, in a way. I said I was doing fine, even though of course it hasn’t been ideal with Dad and Eliza. So instead I focused on the good. That I’d reconnected with an old friend and made a new one, and I was spending time with Ruth again. It wasn’t outright lies, it just wasn’t the whole truth. I left out the ugly parts, which people don’t really want to hear about, anyway. 

            And of course we talked all about Lucy and Ben. Did I see it coming? Did they see it coming? No, neither of us did. They seemed happy, though, didn’t they? And that’s what matters—that they’re healthy and happy. 

It wasn’t long before Fred was brought up in this conversation, as we’d all been expecting him to get together with Lucy. Adam said that Fred shouldn’t have been too slow, now both of the women he’d had his eye on were taken. But Carrie wasn’t so sure he’d even been intending on dating either of them.

“He usually moves so fast with girls he’s interested in. Not that they last more than a few weeks, but still, he doesn’t mess around making up his mind. I think we were wrong. I don’t think he was ever interested in either of them. And he certainly doesn’t seem to be heartbroken over it—in fact, he seems to be the happiest for them out of everyone,” Carrie had said.

I really wasn’t expecting that report. To hear that Fred was so happy for them, that he didn’t have any disappointment—it makes me wonder what all of last fall and winter was about. It could be a million things, and I’ve thought of several reasons why he’s made the decisions he has, though none seem quite right. 

While we were talking about Fred, Carrie mentioned that he’s coming up to the city with Harvey and Ben in about a week. They’re contacting investors of their first business and reaching out to others as they go forward with this new idea. Carrie thought it would be a wonderful idea for me to meet up with them, as she was sure they’d love to see me.

Admittedly, with our conversation leading up to this, I felt a hope grow stronger in me, which for years had been nothing but a yearning for something I knew would never happen. But it feels so much more concrete and alive now. Fred is unattached, as am I. I don’t think he hates me anymore, and, well, it’s not so crazy to think there might still be something, is it?

So I told Carrie that if they would want to see me, I’d love to see them, too.

I might be setting myself up for disappointment. Maybe I’m destroying the progress I’ve made and I’m only moving backward. But I have to know. I have to see for myself if he’s changed to me, if there is any chance of something. Even if it’s only closure for our abruptly ended relationship eight years ago.